


Shattered Trust

by Entropeutic



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, Homophobia, Human AU, Jasper Redemption (Steven Universe), Jasper and Amethyst are siblings, Platonic Relationships, Romance, Slurs, Unhealthy Relationships, holly blue is the asshole aunt, its all retrospective but its the main conflict, redemption in general, theres an illegal relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:41:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23367121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Entropeutic/pseuds/Entropeutic
Summary: Jasper tried to date the girl she's had her eye on forever but both her and Pearl have demons from their pasts. Will they be able to move past them and be together?
Relationships: Jasper/Pearl (Steven Universe)
Kudos: 14





	1. The Part Where We Meet

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this right at the beginning of Future, and I swear, most of the first part was before Bismuth Casual aired. The rollar-rink and the fact Steven couldn't skate was a total coincidence! I liked the art of Pearl in the rink from the first artbook which was the inspo. The last part was definitely from the finale. I just really, really wanted a proper Jasper redemption... like, girl got shattered, and I replicated it with a bit of a softer impact for the finale of this story. I also tried to incorporate both 'fanfiction' Jasper archetypes and more in-show kind of personality.

Jasper glared hard into her mirror and held her own eyes. Dark brown, sometimes flashing gold in just the right light. Vitiligo made pale patterns across dark olive toned skin. Her twice-broken nose had its usual bumps. Her aunt was horrified when she came home with it bloody the second time. The fight was worth it and she wouldn't change her battle scars for anything. She grinned. Or at least attempted to. A wide toothy smile answered but died before it was enough to reveal slightly-sharper than usual incisors.  
She fiddled with the collar of her shirt nervously. It was the nicest one she owned. The silent self-examination was interrupted soon enough.  
"Yo! Oh. Oh no, sis. You look like a missionary."  
Amethyst's wide face peeked into the frame of Jasper's mirror and interrupted the landscape of her _mostly_ neat room. Amethyst's was such a disaster anything less seemed spotless in comparison.  
"I do _not_ look like a missionary!" Jasper protested and shoved her sister. She was already insecure about it. Her usual attire only wore loose athletic wear or baggy cargo pants so the stuffer formal wear felt foreign on her body. It was eternity since she'd worn a dress and it would be eternity again before that bullshit graced her frame again.

"Trust me J-P, your face would make the Virgin Mary cry, but your get up?" Amethyst mocked a knock on an invisible door, "excuse me, but have you heard the the good news today ma'am?" she reported, imitating Jasper's much deeper rasp.

"Amethyst! Shut it-"  
Her younger sister only cackled.

"Ok, ok listen Jasper- rule of thumb, khaki is a no unless you're wearing a shirt with a pattern. If you're wearing white on top, bottoms should be dark but you'll look more formal."  
Amethyst helped herself to her big sister's closet. She could barely reach the top to get the hangars but she managed.  
"Here, these are some good parings..."

Jasper studied them and nodded slowly.  
"Since when did you start knowing fashion?"

"Since I started hanging out with Steven again, ha. Kid's a genius! What's the occasion anyways? No offence but like... the only place you get out to is the gym."

Jasper rolled her eyes. Steven was the cute kid down the block all of them had babysat at least once. He was technically a teen himself at that point but it was still habit to roll down when his dad wasn't home and play video games with him so he wouldn't be lonely. Apparently he'd adapted a whole host of creative talents as he got older, including fashion. It was too bad he really only had one set of clothes.  
Jasper lost taste for visiting him but she tolerated it because she knew another certain someone visited him almost every day-

"I'll do the more casual version," Jasper decided, "and why I'm putting this on is _none_ of your business," she teased, giving her sister a knuckle rub on the head. Amethyst had a different biological dad so she was much shorter than Jasper and Skinny. Jasper knew it was a sore spot but Amethyst was the best thing to come after that messy divorce.

Amethyst fought her off playfully.  
"Oh come on! JP! Don't leave me hanging- are you going for a date? I mean, it's been a while since La-"

"Please don't say it," Jasper did not want to think about that at the moment. Amethyst shrank back.

"Right. Sorry, I'm sorry..."

Jasper took a deep breath as her sister retreated to the labyrinth depths of her own room.  
"You can do it," Jasper told her reflection after she changed into an arguably better ensemble. This time dark jeans, thick brown belt and a deep rusty orange button down. It complimented her broad shoulders and would match her wool-lined leather jacket. Not to mention the jeans worked great for her ass. No one could turn her down looking _this_ good. She grabbed a brush and nervously did some last minute yanking at bleached hair before making her way down the stairs.

"Jasper!"

Jasper froze and stood at attention.  
"Yes tía Agate?" she responded automatically. Her aunt paced over and sniffed her experimentally.  
"Would your mother approve of you going out dressed like a man and smelling of cologne?"  
Jasper didn't dare groan or complain. Their aunt was basically a live in nanny and a strict one at that. Their mom hadn't been home in a long time so the reign of terror was extended longer than usual. Aunty Agate was as conservative a catholic could be, so, Jasper just existing was an affront to her entire existence.  
"I think mom would be cool with it," Jasper managed with a strangled tone.

"You speak too low, a good lady has a musical voice!" Agate tsked and shook her head, "I almost wish you dressed like a slut."

Jasper stayed still, taking in her aunt's rant numbly. The comments always hurt but they were nothing she hadn't heard a million times before.  
"You're too big too. Women should only go the the gym to run, get thin. Not any of that... CrossFit or whatever. You're twisting God's form! Are you wearing sports bras too tight again? You'll ruin your body- no one will _know_ if you are a man of a woman for goodness sake!"

Jasper grit her teeth and remembered the number in her bank account. Another half a year working at the auto shop and she could move out. No more tía Agate. When mom was home she could visit. Maybe even get a spare room for Amethyst to get away when Agate tried to force diets on her. Skinny was lucky to have gotten out of there so soon after high-school. She moved across continent with the speed of lightening as soon as she got her scholarship.  
Finally her aunt's barrage was done and she finished with:  
"One day a nice man will set you right."  
Ah yes. The usual last line. Jasper could breath again as Agate left for the kitchen. She checked her watch. There was a reason she planned to leave the house ten minutes ahead in the case of these scoldings. In result, she still had plenty of time to get to her first stop.   
She grabbed her jacket and left the claustrophobic little townhouse onto the Main Street. It was a nice neighbourhood, crowded of course and a little worn down but the trees lining the stretch were picturesque. Fall was approaching and Amethyst had started eleventh grade. Jasper just graduated and it felt strange to still be home while normally it would be time for class and homework and such. Not that she did much of that before anyways. Her time in high school was spent getting high in janitor closet hotboxes and winning wrestling trophies. It led an infamous reputation as the social butterfly and the social pariah all at once. She was kind of an ass and absolutely did not conform to any standard of a teen girl but her magnetic personality made her popular anyways. Without the constant of a school day bringing everyone under one roof, Jasper found herself alone. She didn't actually make any real friends and only left behind a rocky relationship with the local blue-haired psycho chick.

The crisp air was sharp with ocean breeze as Jasper walked over up the street to the nicer houses up a couple blocks. The wind moved her memories along. There was one person from school Jasper had been infatuated with. From elementary school Pearl enchanted her. Ghostly pale, big watery eyes, the cutest most frilly dresses when she was little and then only the most sophisticated pastel sweaters in high-school. Not to mention she started her own fencing club. Amethyst always said she was just a regular wealthy white chick... but she seemed so mysterious. Well. Mostly. All her academic awards filled one half of the shelf outside the office while the sports side was occupied by Jasper. They were opposites of a scale and it fascinated the taller girl to no end. Even when she was 'occupied' with other girls Jasper always wondered what it would be like to date the star student.  
What intrigued her most of all was how in twelfth grade the girl who never ever skipped class had missed a whole three months of school. Pearl returned, top of her class, of course, but no one had a single clue what happened.  
Jasper finally got the chance to get to know Pearl as they ended up taking the same bus to work since the dojo Pearl was teaching fencing to kids at was right next to the auto shop. It was painfully awkward at first since Jasper was known as the school jock dyke who got into fights and Pearl was just the smartest one in class. Gay too, she led the damn GSA but that was only a footnote on the list of great facts about her. Regardless, against all odds, they started to take their lunch breaks together too as their conversations would flow on the bus.   
Jasper was surprised to find that yes, Pearl was kind of a know-it-all and slightly vain at times, but had a deep, compassionate stare. Jasper had opened up a little about how she hated leaving her room and confronting her aunt. Pearl surprised her by taking her hand and gave the most empathetic look she'd ever seen. Jasper had the impression the smaller girl had been through something pretty terrible. They were sort of friends after that. Sort of.

Back in the present, Jasper wrung her hands together. She was at the correct address. It was beautiful little home. Pearl was an only child so there was plenty of space for her and her two doctor parents. Jasper would have thought Pearl would be leaving for a university like Harvard or something but she learned quickly that Pearl was taking a gap year. Because of Steven, she had told her. Jasper wanted to ask why Steven of all people, but Pearl got up and left quickly after that. It was a brief lunchtime talk.

Jasper took a deep breath and rung the doorbell. The pattering of light feet made her grin and the smiling face of Pearl greeted her at the door. Smooth and styled strawberry blonde hair framed her face perfectly. The palest of little peach freckles adorned the bridge of her nose if you looked closely. Jasper was always smitten with her.  
"Hey!" Pearl greeted.

"Are you ready to go?" Jasper asked nervous.  
Pearl gave the bigger girl a slow up and down but said nothing of it it. She herself was wearing a lovely pair of pressed capris in rustic golden yellow, blue vintage shoes with a matching blue sweater complete with a pink collared shirt peeking out the collar. Her pastel colour pallets were impeccable and this neat little outfit was a staple of her wardrobe. It fit her bird-like lithe body very well. Jasper had a thing for waifs.  
"Bye mom and dad, I'll be back before eight-" Pearl called into the beautifully furnished home.  
"Text us every stop on the way, Pearl, ok?"  
"I will."  
With that she slipped out with a little pink leather purse slung over her shoulder.

"You look... dressed up," Pearl noted.

Jasper was mentally kicking herself. She had texted Pearl a few days ago if they wanted to hang out outside of their work schedules. Enthusiastically they decided to see a movie on the Saturday. Jasper was blowing this way out of proportion and she probably already gave away her true intention with the stupid jeans.  
"I-I just thought I would try and not look like a slob next to you today?" Jasper tried.  
Pearl grinned as they left the driveways.  
"Well, it's a good look."

"Thanks... my sister helped. Apparently my first attempt made me look like a missionary," Jasper joked and Pearl laughed. The bigger girl loved her laugh. It was beautiful, like wind chimes. The aunt would tell Jasper to try and sound like that instead of the gruff roar that usually came out. But why would she try and change herself when she could listen to someone as beautiful as Pearl laugh like that all day?  
"You'll have to send me a picture of that Jasper-"

"A face that'd make the Virgin Mary cry on the body of a pro-wrestler Jehovahs Witness," Jasper summarized.  
Pearl doubled over and laughed harder.  
"Oh stars, the mental imagery is too much-"

The girls talked and joked some more. Pearl tried to explain one of the philosophy courses she was taking online but it was going right over Jasper's head. She liked listening to her passion though.  
They turned a familiar corner and Pearl stopped them.  
"Can we visit Steven for a moment?"

Jasper figured she would want that.  
"Sure."  
The house was familiar. It was the closest one to the path that led to a secret little beach. Jasper remembered learning to swim on that shore. The whole front of the house was worn down with the ruins of ancient toys littering secrets spots under wild bushes framing the front yard. Mr. Universe worked at the car wash around the clock to keep the damn place and to keep Steven, so there wasn't much time for gardening. Jasper had no idea who or where his mom was. Maybe dead beat like her own dad. She didn't interrogate anyone about it since she didn't like it when anyone else asked about her lack of parent.  
They invited themselves in, greeted by a massive orange tabby that regarded them silently from the end of the hall. Jasper hid a little behind Pearl. Lion the cat was not fond of her.  
"Hey Steeeeeven!" Pearl called out playfully while padding into the living room. Sure enough the kid was on the couch playing Mario Kart... with Garnet? Since when did _she_ babysit Steven?

"Hey Pearl," Steven paused the game and lept over to give her a hug.

"You're getting so big!" Pearl mused, squeezing a cheek.  
Steven batted away her hand with a huff of embarrassment.  
"Of course! I'm thirteen-"  
He had maybe gotten slightly taller and looked a little less like a cute cherub with bouncing wild dark curls. In fact- as he aged there was something familiar in his face Jasper couldn't quite place.

Jasper nodded to Garnet. She wore dark reflective sunglasses no matter the time of day or place. Sensory issues with light apparently. Jasper wanted to hate her because Garnet was the reason she didn't have the basketball trophy. Always two moves ahead of the game. That and boxing which annoyed her. Garnet never bragged though, well, she actually didn't speak much at all. When she did it was always slow, calculated and oddly profound. Jasper found she couldn't hate her nor like her to any degree either and deduced it must have just been how Garnet preferred to be regarded.

"Oh hey Jasper. It's been a while since I've seen you. Amethyst hangs out a lot more..."  
Steven finally greeted the tallest in the room.

"Yeah. She's been enjoying your fashion tips," Jasper said simply.  
Steven's face lit up.  
"Really? Oh man, I'm so glad-... and what are you doing with Pearl?"

"We're just going to see that new movie at the theatre," Pearl grinned wider and still seemed to baby Steven by stroking his hair.

"Oh! That one's pretty funny. I've seen it like, five times..." he proceeded to rant about the story for a couple minutes and they patiently listened.  
Garnet's sunglasses seemed to burn holes into Pearl who swallowed nervously. She bent over and kissed the boy on the cheek.  
"Have a good day Steven, we should get going-"  
Garnet only waved robotically as Steven gave an enthusiastic good-bye. Back outside Jasper felt like she could breath again.

"You really like Steven," Jasper snorted.

"I'm basically his godparent," Pearl laughed, "he called me aunty Pearl when he was younger."

"Do you know his dad well?" Jasper asked casually. Pearl's face went whiter than usual and she closed off.

"A little."  
Huh. Jasper didn't push it and cracked a joke to ease off the tension. It worked to change the topic, thankfully, but she really wondered what happened. Mr. Universe seemed like a great guy...?

They made it to the theatre and Jasper offered to buy them popcorn. Pearl wrestled her to the counter and paid for it instead. All fair, Pearl likely had much more disposable income and knew Jasper was saving to move out. Also, she was surprisingly strong compared to her stature and Jasper genuinely feared what would have happened if she tried to wrestle back. They settled into their seats and it was mercifully quiet. Jasper kept to her own personal space and maintained a running commentary as it was apparent the plot was... spotty at best. The humour was definitely Steven-grade so Jasper added her own dirty twists into Pearl's ear which left the pale girl in shaking fits with tears as she tried to hold back her twinkling laughter.  
Afterwards they went for ice cream on the boardwalk and claimed a bench. Pearl was still red in the face from laughing so hard.  
"You're really good at this," Pearl snorted.

"At what?" Jasper asked with a smirk.

"Getting me to laugh! Normally gutter humour does nothing for me but I don't know. When you do it... it's just really funny," Pearl admitted, "thank you Jasper. This has been really, really fun."

"You're welcome," Jasper's heart raced as she realized it was the time to act, "I really, really like making you laugh. And talking with you. And just being with you."

"Don't be sappy," Pearl shoved her playfully.

"Oh sure! And you aren't?" Jasper poked her back.  
Pearl feigned a snotty turn of her nose.  
"Never!"

They both laughed into a comfortable silence, watching the sun descend. Jasper gathered her courage but a voice of doubt nagged her.

_You ruin everyone you date. It was easy to ask Lazuli because you didn't care about her. If you date Pearl it'll end the same way-_

Jasper shut out her thoughts, let her jaw open and spoke:  
"Do you want to keep doing this more? Hanging out but... but like dating?"

Pearl froze. The blood drained from her face for the second time that day and she started to shake her head.

"I-I'm so sorry if I crossed a line," Jasper shrunk and scooted away.

Pearl shook her head vigorously, this time bright pink with flush.  
"No. No, Jasper, you didn't cross anything," Pearl took a deep breath, "I'm not- I'm forbidden from dating right now."

"But we're eighteen?" Jasper cocked her head in confusion.

"Right now. You're still my friend and we can talk! But... but let's just say I just can't for the moment-"

"Have you not come out to your parents?" Jasper asked gingerly. She knew that feeling. Her aunt Agate had an aneurism when she showed up with Lapis. Well. Part of the stupid reason she dated her was to rebel. Her aunt kept making fun of her for 'looking like a dyke'. Well. She wasn't wrong. Still wasn't a pretty reaction to prove her right.

Pearl glanced to the side and made a _yikes_ face, taking a lock of her hair nervously.  
"Oh... oh they know. They're ok with that but... Let's just said they're on high alert."

Jasper sat back. She was a little glum about it but at least Pearl didn't slap her and stomp away.  
"Well, either way. I like hanging out with you Pearl. Still wanna talk on the bus and on break?"  
Pearl smiled weakly and nodded. Jasper held out a hand and they shook on it. Not the first date she wanted but at least salvageable.

-

"That's heavy." Amethyst noted, sprawled out on Jasper's bed while the taller sister was at her desk. Despite it all Jasper spilt the whole event to Amethyst. Neither of them could keep secrets from each either very well and Jasper definitely needed backup.   
"I'm just... I mean I know bad breakups but she didn't date anyone in our school did she?"

"Not that I can remember, and I get _all_ the deetz on who dates who. Lemme text Garnet to see if she'll come over. She knows so many secrets, maybe she has some juicy information-"

"Come over? Since when does Garnet just come over?"

"In five minutes she will!" Amethyst got up and jogged down the stairs.

Jasper heard thier aunt stomp to the hall from her point at her bedroom door.  
"Amethyst-" Agate shouted from below but the short girl interrupted quickly.

"Not now tía! There's a friend at the door-"  
Amethyst was the only one who could do that without getting shrieked out. Youngest privilege, Jasper presumed.  
Next thing she knew, Garnet was sitting at Jasper's desk with a straight back, reflective sunglasses still in place. Her well-shaped Afro was held back by a thick headband. No doubt because she jogged over. Amethyst and Jasper took spots on Jasper's double bed. She used to have a twin frame but had to upgrade when she got freakishly tall and broad.  
They had a silent stare down, well, as much as you could stare down a pair of reflective glasses. Garner slowly shed her jean jacket with her famous 'cool dad' patch on the back. People had tried to make fun of it when she rolled up to school with it that first day of grade eleven. It was unsuccessful and only made her wear it more until it was classic Garnet fashion.

Garnet finally spoke and broke the tension.  
"So. Steven."

"Wait- I asked about Pearl right? You guys are friends right?" Amethyst cut in.

"You can't talk about Pearl without talking about Steven," Garnet mused, tapping her chin, "I'm not friends with Pearl anymore because of the information I hold."  
She held out two hands, ragged fingerless gloves demonstrating an invisible burden of knowledge. Her nickname on the basketball team was 'Oracle' for a reason.

Jasper and Amethyst shared a look. This was going to be a hot slice of gossip-  
"Because of this; I will only tell you the essentials."

Their faces fell but the sisters scooted closer anyways to take what morsels they could get.  
"Pearl knew Steven's mother really well. She died in an accident when we were in the last part of twelfth grade. That's why she wasn't there. She spent a lot of her time with Steven and grieving. Sorting out legal things too, but I can't go into that."

Amethyst seemed to sink into the carpet.  
"Oh wig... dude, who was his mom? That's why he seemed so bummed-"

"She was in and out of his life," Garnet said simply and stood, "and who she was is not important. Don't share this and I don't advise dating Pearl, Jasper. I'll be going home now. Bye."  
She did exactly that and climbed out the window. Jasper watched her acrobatically edge across the ledge, jump to the thickest branch of the tree in the front yard, clamber down and sprint away, jacket flapping around her hips. She was so crazy.

"P's just in a bad way right now," Amethyst concluded, patting Jasper on the leg, "try again in a couple months."  
Jasper sighed.  
"Something still doesn't seem right. When I mentioned Greg... or dating even she got so pale. Like... uh. Like a trigger."

Amethyst snorted.  
"Are you a psychologist now J-P? I doubt it. She's probably just... not dealing well at the moment. Anyways..." the younger sister stretched and yawned, "my work here is done. Siesta time-"

With that she left and Jasper was alone with her thoughts and consequent concerns.  
She had a hard time sleeping that night. Why did Steven look so familiar? His mom _had_ to be someone she knew. Someone who would have also been in Pearl's circle.

-

That next week passed and the initial awkwardness that usually accompanied a rejected date dissipated. Jasper was never happier when everything went back to normal, well, almost normal. Pearl didn't touch her as much as she did before. Like grabbing her arm when the bus was crowded and they had to stand, or even shoving her shoulder when she made a dirty joke. That was all gone. Pearl was an island and Jasper couldn't help but feel lost at sea without her physically to hold on to.  
She dismissed this quickly and respected Pearl's space as best she could. It would be horrible to seek and pursue like she did to Lapis. Regardless, Jasper was still helplessly falling for Pearl. Alternative excuses to spend time with her offered themselves, thankfully. She dialled Pearl's number a few weeks later.

"Jasper?" Pearl's professional tone whispered through her phone.

"Hey uh, Amethyst is taking Steven to the Arcade to check out the new roller rink and I wanted to go too. Wanna come with us?" Jasper tried, holding her breath. She hoped this would be good enough, Pearl had the option to spend the whole time with Steven if she wanted to.

"But Steven doesn't know how to skate?" Pearl exclaimed.

"Amethyst wants to teach him-"

"Well, then I'm absolutely going," Pearl said immediately, "I can't leave those two unsupervised doing _that_ -"  
Jasper decided to keep to herself the time Amethyst tried teaching Steven pro-wrestling last month.

Jasper grinned and gave her the time they were meeting. She convinced herself not to get her hopes too far up, this was just to be around Pearl. Not a date. Not at all.


	2. This is The Part Where We Fall Apart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Lapis Lazuli and Peridot! Don't worry, Peridot is fine, I promise, you'll see. Also, everything falls apart!

The Arcade and new adjoining rink was packed. Everyone in Beach City who was anybody in town showed up. Jasper wasn't the biggest fan of crowds and tight spaces but tolerated it enough. There was enough space to move about, she predicted the morning crowd with the families and younger kids were already making their way out for lunch.  
The hypothesis was correct as the rink cleared remarkably fast as noon turned to one. Jasper was already geared up in her skates, they were the single blade kind. She got a chance to play hockey back when the ice rink was funded for a couple years. The classic four-wheel skates didn't suit the way she learned to glide. Amethyst was busy tying hers haphazardly when Pearl arrived. Of course she had her own skates thrown over her shoulder, they looked like figure skates but with wheels.  
"Fancy," Jasper gestured.

"I did figure skating professionally a few years ago, they wanted me to train for the olympics but I had other plans," Pearl said proudly, tossing a lock of strawberry blond hair behind her ear before sitting next to Steven, "I'll be the best coach for you- Steven."

"Hey," Amethyst popped her head up from her messy laces, "I'm the teacher here!"

"Not with the way you let him do his ties," Pearl tsked and knelt to re-do them.

"Pearl! I know how to tie my shoes!" Steven complained.

"These are skates Steven! There's an art to it-"

Pearl happened to be wearing an adorable pleated skirt and Jasper happened to be in and optimal position to watch it fold and lift up her slender thighs.  
Amethyst leaned into her field of vision and wiggled her eyebrows. Jasper reddened and stuck her tongue out at her sister.

"I'll meet you guys on the rink," Jasper announced decisively and slid on with the small crowd making their rounds. She easily got into the rhythm and the music changed to much better tracks as it was clear the little kids had gone. Jasper was starting to recognize people and she wasn't sure how she felt about that. The lights dimmed soon enough, funky colour lights slid across the floor and the figures faded out. That was much better. She cast a glance at the entrance where Amethyst and Pearl were busy helping Steven figure out how to just walk over on the carpet to the rink. Pearl wouldn't leave his side, of course. Jasper pondered this with a touch of bitterness before almost slamming into someone, only weaving away at the last second. Ugh, some idiot standing instead of moving along.

"Hey! Watch it!" Jasper whirled around but froze. Shit.

The lanky girl had a hip popped, leaning casually against the edge of the rink, chewing gum with a clearly rebellious attitude. This was evident in her fashion as well. Fishnets with tattered short shorts on top and an ill-fitting baseball tee. Thoroughly died blue hair glinted in the shifting strobe light. Jasper wished she had bowled that chick over just to wipe off that smug expression.  
"What are you doing here?" Jasper demanded instead.

"Hanging out like a normal fucking person, Jasper," Lapis Lazuli mocked, "you just didn't look where you were going, dumbass."

"You-" Jasper drew up to point a finger again when a shorter girl with wild blonde hair and green tinted glasses shoved herself between them, waving her skinny pale arms in front of Jasper's face.

"Woah! Woah, deescalate! Jasper, I will have to ask you to vacate the premises-"

"Peridot?" Jasper raised a bushy eyebrow, "You're Amethyst's friend right?"

"Your sister is acceptable and may stay. I am asking you to leave on behalf of-"

"What are you doing with this shrimp?" Jasper talked over Peridot to her ex-girlfriend who shrugged causally.

"Peri is my friend now," Lapis winked and made a 'V' over her mouth with ringed fingers and stuck her tongue through. Peridot didn't see the lewd gesture because she was still proudly puffing her chest up against the looming form of Jasper.

"Friend? You're disgusting Lazuli," Jasper growled, "we've _graduated_ for fuck's sake-"

"Maybe you have!" Lapis bit back, face flushed. Right. She flunked twelfth grade, so she'd be doing it again.

Jasper rolled her eyes.  
"Still-"

"Peridoooooottttt!!!"  
A resounding call echoed through the rink and Peridot yelped.  
"No-not now Amethyst!"  
She was tackled by Jasper's younger sister regardless who successfully pinned her to the ground.  
"Ow! Motherfucker-"  
"Peri! I didn't think I'd see-" Amethyst paused and glanced around, noticing the tension... and Lapis, "oh."

"Steven- that's an example of unsafe behaviour on the rink-" Pearl reported professionally as she held Steven's hand. Poor kid was red with embarrassment but if he let go he ended up falling on his face. Pearl noticed the tense situation as well and slowed. Lapis narrowed her eyes at Pearl as she put together that Amethyst was there, Jasper only went anywhere with Amethyst and she was with Steven and Pearl was also with Steven. Pearl was the outlier and it didn't take an idiot to figure out she was Jasper's type as Pearl sort of mirrored Lapis in form.

"Moving on already with the prude?" Lazuli spit.

"Terrific. I'm leaving," Jasper hissed. She was mortified Pearl had to stumble on her ex.

"Good! And stay away!" Peridot waved her fist in triumph from under the mass of Amethyst. Jasper skated off quickly, undoing her skates in a huff.

"Jasper..." Pearl sighed, "Amethyst please help Steven-" she gracefully skated over to sit next to Jasper.

"That was... Lapis Lazuli right?" Pearl asked gently, "I- I don't like gossip but I heard it wasn't pretty- what happened."

Jasper groaned and forced herself to take a deep breath.  
"Sure. Sounds about right."

"Are you still not over her?" Pearl put a hand over hers. The first time she'd touched her again since the movie.

"Trying to. I am mostly... we just- ugh. It was so dysfunctional. I miss all the wrong things. I should have listened to councillor Rose earlier about that stuff."  
Pearl stiffened and took her hand back at the mention of the previous school councillor... Rose was replaced by councillor Zircon at the beginning of thier twelfth grade as it was announced she'd been hired somewhere else. Rose was beloved by all the students and no one knew where she went. Did it bother Pearl that she left like a lot of the other students? Rose was very close with a lot of them and their problems- including Jasper.  
"It's over now, it's just awkward and I'd do better to stay away," Jasper muttered to end the conversation.

"Jasper..."

"You should stay with Steven..."

Pearl wrung her hands and glanced at the doors.  
"Can we go outside to talk?"  
Jasper followed her out to a bench by the arcade, away from the flashing lights and thumping bass.

"I don't want to leave you. The last thing you want is to be alone with this, isn't it?" Pearl said finally.  
Jasper felt punched in the gut. It was true, she didn't want to be alone. It was why she was trying to date again but god, with how it went down just moments ago, just _thinking_ about Lapis with someone else hurt enough.

"I think I'm better off alone, actually," Jasper said sheepishly, staring at her big calloused hands.

"Well... I never wanted to be alone after... my situation," Pearl said gingerly, "from what I heard about what you had with Lapis... it was toxic, wasn't it? Abusive for everyone involved."

Those were Roses's words. Jasper met her pale watery eyes ruefully.  
"Something like that. I'm still ashamed of all the shit I did. I'm just angry that she doesn't seem to show regret for what _she_ did."

"If we can't understand the person who hurt us, it's a good thing," Pearl sighed, "it means you aren't them, and never will be."

Jasper sighed.  
"You're really put together."

Pearl laughed suddenly.  
"Oh! Oh no, far from it- I'm still broken from-"

"Yo! Dudes, oh my god, that was so awkward," Amethyst interrupted Pearl and a hot flash of anger ran through Jasper. One, she interrupted her crush from letting her in, and two, she didn't care to notify her that Lapis had another playmate.

"Where's Steven?" Pearl demanded, putting her hands on her hips.

"We ran into Connie and Steven said he'd rather hang with her for the rest of the day. I mean. Since we've been a bit of a mess. I don't blame him-"

"Yeah! It would have been less awkward if I knew _your_ best friend is hanging around my psycho ex!" Jasper roared at her sister.

Amethyst paused and the carefree expression fell off her face.  
"Well, yeah dude, I didn't tell ya cus I figured y'all wouldn't run into each other and like... I wasn't gonna just keep talking about your ex."

Jasper sighed. Her little sister was doing her best.  
"Fine. I understand... but didn't you have a crush on Peridot?" she added, memory from summer conversations popping up.

"Yeah," Amethyst bent her head, flushed. She kicked the ground in disappointment, "we don't hang out anymore. But hey, you snooze you loose."

"But Lapis Lazuli would be our age right? How old is Peridot?"

Amethyst's head snapped up.  
"Oh shiiiit, she totally skipped a grade too. Fuck, she like maybe _just_ turned sixteen- max."

"Ugh. Of course Lapis pulls that shit," Jasper rolled her eyes.

Pearl gripped her mouth, positively white as a sheet.  
"I-I have to go home," she stood, "tell Steven I said bye," and hurried away.

"Woah. Yeah, ok, she's on the rocks," Amethyst whistled as her skirt whipped out of view.

Jasper crossed her arms and huffed.  
"I was _moments_ from knowing what happened! Until you showed up-" she spit bitterly.

"I'm sorry ok? I didn't realize you were Nancy Drew of the broken heart all of a sudden!" Amethyst bit back, "I'm taking the bus home."  
She stomped away and that left Jasper alone on the bench. A fucking disaster.

-

Amethyst was giving Jasper the cold shoulder and Pearl was surprisingly normal but didn't mention anything close to her 'situation' again. Jasper missed that in-depth conversation- they were getting so close to something _more_ but it got snatched away. Like a carrot on a stick.  
Her angry, confused thoughts affected her work at the auto shop. She cursed loudly under her breath as she realized she'd re-installed a gas pipe the wrong way for the third time that day.

"Jasp, sport, what is up with you today?" Her boss tapped her cover-all legs with a heavy boot. Jasper sighed and rolled back out, covered in grease. Her bleached hair was pulled back tight and she faced Bismuth's broad face and dyed braids. She'd kind of become like the supportive aunt Jasper never had. She was her only cheerleader in her sexuality and growing sense of gender non-conformity her aunt hated so much.

"Just... rough life stuff," Jasper admitted. She sat up and cracked her neck with a loud snap.

"Break up? Family stuff? What's the news?" Bismuth settled next to her, fully ready to hear her out. She was the best boss that way. Jasper had cried under a few cars about shit her aunt had said, school stuff, all the matters and Bismuth was patient with it all.

"Well... I tried asking Pearl out," Jasper started, picking at her nails, "she said she wasn't allowed to date for some reason. Then I learned someone close to her died... you know that Steven kid? Well, his mom bit it somehow and that hurt Pearl a lot, but I don't know who she was, and it seemed like she was never around her own son much before- ugh. I have no idea what's going on. All I know is I can't shake the crush I have on Pearl. I just wanna know why... why I can't move on with it."

"Ah," Bismuth shook her head slowly, taking it in. She glanced at her even bigger hands before patting Jasper on the back.  
"This is some complicated stuff. Jasper, you've been through shit yourself. But that situation? What Pearl's tied up in is serious."  
Bismuth pursed her lips as she debated opening up or closing the door on her employee.  
"At the same time though, maybe you should hear it from me then some rumour."

"You know about this?"

"Bits and pieces."

Jasper looked glumly at her feet, making a guess.  
"Did Pearl... have a thing with...?"

Bismuth shook her head in pity.  
"Rose."

It clicked after that. Steven... he was familiar because he looked like Rose. Her nose... her eyes sometimes. That curly bouncy hair.  
"But she was the school councillor?" Jasper raised and eyebrow, "I didn't pin her as an absent parent... or..."

"On paper, yes, she had a degree, a son and a steady job. In life, Rose always did what she wanted. Hell, she _did_ me. Not even the sweetest song from a bard like Greg would keep her put," Bismuth seemed to recall fondly. Jasper didn't quite understand a whimsy of a free spirit like that but tried her best.   
Bismuth's face fell, "but I- I never thought she'd do what she did to Pearl. She loved you guys, all the students. Helped you guys. Maybe she didn't know what she was doing wasn't helping until it was too late."

Jasper felt a little like her lungs were full of lead. No wonder Pearl didn't want to date. Why she was so attached to Steven. The white face as mentioning the age gap between Lapis and Peridot. Too close to home.  
"So that was the legal stuff and why she was away from school?"

"Statutory... well stuff like that isn't light," Bismuth sighed and stood, "Rose got into a car accident shortly after. They think it... it was intentional to avoid the charges Pearl's parents were pressing. There was a risk Steven would be dragged into it too. The last thing she ever said to Greg was beg that her son would never, ever know exactly what happened. She loved that kid more than anything but the things she wanted always overcame better judgement."

"Was Rose a bad person?" Jasper asked her boss softly, "she... she helped me make the right decision for my situation but... Pearl..."

Her boss sighed heavily through her nose.  
"Depends on who you ask."  
Bismuth patter her on the shoulder, "why don't you go home early? I'll finish up and see you tomorrow. If you call in, I understand. Go easy on Pearl."

Jasper didn't notice her whole trip home. She only stared blankly, processing. These things were incredibly complex. At eighteen, Jasper was technically an adult but none of these things made sense. In time, if she had the foresight, she would understand the fear of commitment. Impulsivity, risk-taking behaviour and addiction. The desire to control or to be controlled. All things Jasper didn't realize she already had experience with but did not have the tools to identity their forms in the world around her.  
She sat behind her townhouse and got high to deal with it. It felt better to stop existing properly for a while.

***

Amethyst was still giving her the cold shoulder so home was stifling for the next week. Jasper went to the arcade instead. It was mid-day Wednesday so she wouldn't be running into _anyone_. She went straight to the rage games just to let something out, burning a few lumps of valuable cash. She didn't notice the midday slip to afternoon and school was let out. With a disgusted glance as her watch Jasper figured it was time to go home... just after one more round on her favourite game-  
Just as she turned the corner her lip curled up as she recognized wild blonde hair and tiny stature right at Tron.  
Peridot.  
"Hey mousy, off my rig," Jasper growled, gripping the machine and leaning over the much smaller Junior.

Peridot shrugged, green eyes razor focused on the screen.  
"What's the magic word, clod?"

"I'll crush you."

"Jesus Christ, how are you and Amethyst even related?" Peridot retorted, smugly levelling up and continuing to play, "you're a literal monster, I swear."

"Big words for a chew toy. Lapis get her teeth into you yet?" Jasper said lowly, hoping to elicit some sort of dramatic reaction.

"I hope you know Lapis talks big but we literally just do homework and watch Camp Pining Hearts reruns," Peridot reported with an edge of seriousness, "I know your history with her is rocky but... I don't know. She just wanted a friend I guess. She's just sort of sad a lot and I don't make her feel like she has act otherwise."

It was a sobering moment. Lapis Lazuli was a starkly lonely person. No siblings, distant family. Jasper could never fill the void but then again she never offered her anything of substance. In turn Lapis never offered Jasper the kindness she craved. They just gave each other the pain and conflict they thought they deserved. It was so clear, Jasper hated that she didn't see it before. Infuriating, but she was exhausted from holding all the anger. She put her last two quarters down with Peridot's roll.  
"Here," she said gruffly and turned to leave.

"Thank... you?" Peridot paused between levels.

"Shut up."

Jasper left for the gym and stayed there for hours. She hadn't eaten in a while but justified it by claiming she trained better on an empty stomach. It was a lie as she pushed herself to the brink of fainting. Water only did so much.  
When Jasper got home late she quietly microwaved the leftovers haphazardly wrapped in the fridge. She couldn't even really taste it. It was all she could do before collapsing into bed, grateful she showered in the locker room before leaving. Her dreams were confusing and stressful, so not much better than reality.

***

As Jasper and Pearl still had the conversations the bigger girl treasured. She wondered if that was what she was looking for. She'd have to tell Pearl at some point she knew about the terrible affair, the death, the trial and why Steven was so important. The want to hold on, even to the things that hurt, just so there was some evidence it was real. Jasper wanted to let all of it spill because maybe Pearl would be what Peridot was to Lapis. Not a fix-all... but someone in the right direction.  
After that, Jasper couldn't describe what she did next as anything other than worshipping Pearl. All of her attention and time went to her as Pearl got comfortable hanging out again. Whatever Pearl wanted, whatever she said, everything Jasper did was to ensure Pearl was the centre. She was even making efforts to get to know Steven.  
Greg Universe was hesitant but gave Jasper permission to visit regularly with Amethyst.

At first Pearl was flattered by the attention. Jasper was... very attractive to her and although they weren't technically dating Jasper would do anything for her. Midnight runs to fast food restaurants, phone calls about feelings late into the early morning, she'd show up to her ballet recitals with flowers- Jasper was getting to be too much. Not in a bad way, but bad for Pearl. The pale girl was starting to feel indebted, like she owed Jasper her presence. Jasper felt proud of her ability to be so dedicated and considerate, blind to anything else.

The tension peaked at Steven's house. They were playing video games with him and when he took a bathroom break Pearl took a deep breath, hands shaking.  
"Jasper? I think you should go home. It's late and I'd like-"

"Pearl, you don't need to push me away," Jasper interrupted, sure she had the answers.

"Just for tonight Jasper! You should get dinner, you've been... getting gaunt."

Jasper had not been taking good care of herself at all. Her muscle had gone sinewy from her constant time at the gym and little contribution to her diet.

"You don't have to worry about me Pearl-"

"Well, if you're concerned about that, this is about wanting to spend time with Steven one on one, Jasper, please."

Jasper didn't want to go home where Amethyst wouldn't talk to her and aunt would berate her. Jasper wanted to stay with Pearl, she understood everything- she knew it all-

"I know what happened," Jasper said suddenly in her desperate attempt.

Pearl went silent. The paused stretched until she let out a soft, reserved question.  
"What?"

"I know about everything that happened. How Rose was Steven's mom. About the affair, the fallout-"

"Jasper, stop, not here," Pearl said coldly, pale as ever.

"You don't have to hide it, I swear I will be here for you even if it never gets better, I won't ever let you be alone- what Rose did was wrong-"

"Jasper! Not now!" Pearl stood up, fists balled and pretty freckled face flushed in shame and rage.  
Jasper got up too and tried to reach out to Pearl who whacked away her hand.  
"Pearl... I'll do anything for you-"

"Don't say that!"

"Why not? It's the truth!" Jasper was shaking at her core but she couldn't stop yet-

"Because that's what Rose said!" Pearl almost screeched and room was dead quiet after that.

"I-" Jasper tried to apologize.

"Stop it. You both should go home. I don't want dinner anymore." Another voice chimed in.

The two young women whipped their heads around to see Steven in the entry way, expression unreadable. Lion was bundled in his arms, glaring with accusation.

Pearl's eyes filled with tears as she grabbed her bag. She left the house without a noise like a phantom. She just looked ashamed and Jasper felt like an ass.

"Go away Jasper," Steven said with the levelness a kid his age should not have to master, "you shouldn't stick your nose where it doesn't belong. Do something better with your life."

Jasper felt like she was slapped across the face and Steven didn't even move. It only made his face all the more haunting as its set way only reminded her of Rose. Jasper's world fractured and fell to pieces. She took her backpack and walked home, the opposite direction of Pearl. After all that buildup, was it over? If it wasn't already...

_Do something better with your life._

It should be over. Jasper finally admitted to herself she'd put Pearl on a pedestal in an abstract kind of way. Well. No. In a pretty clear kind of way. The tall girl stared at her hands as she walked, blurry behind barely held tears and darkness.  
The entire reason her nose was broken was because she picked fights on purpose. Literally putting her nose where it didn't belong. She inserted herself in Lapis Lazuli's life where she didn't belong. She put herself in Pearl's life where she didn't belong. Steven was right.  
Jasper nearly collapsed as she felt crushed. She belonged nowhere. The villain, decisively defeated in the gaze of a boy bearing the ghost of a woman who oversaw the black and white. Her actions spoke loud enough. There was nowhere for Jasper.

***

Jasper didn't go to the gym. She didn't go to work. She didn't leave her bedroom. All she did was pace, sleep and try to block out her thoughts with loud music. Food was mercifully left at her door but she ate barely any of it. The hell was she supposed to do anymore? She'd pushed away everyone else in her life... she was nothing. Her temporary purpose in Pearl was wrong. What did people even do when they were lost like this? Call a therapist probably but that was a cost she couldn't afford.  
Aunt Agate kept banging at the door every couple hours to remind her she was being useless and how disappointed her mother would be if her. It wasn't helping. Jasper felt... broken. Defective. She glared at the mirror.  
Just a few months ago she was so proud to be herself but it all fell apart. She was an asshole, a bully and a fool.

After the fifth day Amethyst finally knocked on the door.  
"Yo... Garnet told me you and Pearl had a fight? Jasper, are you ok...?"

Jasper didn't answer and curled up tighter on her bed.

Another day passed, or was it two? She couldn't really tell. She had her headphones in and suddenly a thumping registered. Huh. More thumps off-beat. She pulled a muff off an ear. The thumps came from the window. She turned and saw pale skin and freckles against the glass, knocking.  
Why the fuck was Pearl there?  
Jasper put the muff back on and turned away. She must be hallucinating.  
Clicking caught her attention through her music again and she was shocked to see Pearl, who was not a hallucination, had slid a steel ruler under the cheap window pane, flicking open the lock.  
"What the hell Pearl?" Jasper complained, ripping off her headphones and backing up into the wall. She was suddenly very aware she hadn't changed or taken a shower in days.

Pearl wrinkled her nose and kept the window open.  
"Amethyst was right. You smell like shit."

All the time Jasper had known Pearl she had never, ever heard her swear.  
"You break into _my_ room and have the audacity to say _I_ smell bad?" Jasper defended angrily.

Pearl snorted and put her ruler back into her bag. It was terrifically awkward for what felt like a full minute. Jasper forced herself to relax somewhat.  
"Didn't know you broke into homes..."

"I have a rebel streak somewhere, ha. Until recently you didn't know I was in an affair with a women thrice my age with a son who also happened to be our school councillor..."

"I'm sorry for... for digging," Jasper said sheepishly.

Pearl sighed and took Jasper's desk chair like Garnet had just a little while ago.  
"I knew I'd have to tell you at some point," Pearl seemed way too grown up as she said it, rubbing her temples and squeezing tired pale blue eyes, "I just wish you hadn't brought it up when Steven was around."

"...I'm so sorry, did you have to tell-?" Jasper tried to continue her long list of apologies but Pearl halted her with a raised hand.

"He knows. He got bits and pieces from social workers, overhearing phone calls, he's not a stupid kid. He sort of knows his mom did a bad thing and it hurt me. He just doesn't quite know what. I try not to make him feel guilty with me because I really, really love him... my mom instincts just peak and I want to protect him. I'm so scared now that he's older he's going to cut me out because of the memories I have."  
She sniffed loudly and a tear was quickly caught by a teal hoodie sleeve.

"Pearl..."

"We can talk now, if you'd like. I feel badly that what happened has clearly distressed you."

"Pearl I... I've been thinking a lot. I don't think I know... how to be right."  
Jasper's words felt like glass shards but she got them out.

"How to be right?" Pearl cocked her head in curiosity.

"To be functional. Properly. I'm... an ass. I'm a jerk. Always have been to everyone I've ever known."

"You've never been cruel to me," Pearl said softly.

"I was mean in a different way," Jasper said gruffly, kicking at her sheets, "like I didn't see you as human. Just... a goal. Another victory. Trophy, whatever. I haven't changed a goddamn bit."

"I think you've already made a change if you understand your behaviour is cyclical..."  
The way Pearl said it reminded Jasper of that comfy leather couch and pink jar of rose-coloured candy in that office.

Pearl trailed off.  
"It's so hard to go to therapy when they use the same words as... her."

"Wasn't gonna say it, but yeah," Jasper snorted, "this is messed up."

"It really is," Pearl agreed.

"I just..." Jasper stared at her duvet, "I just don't understand how she could be advising me about unhealthy relationships while..."

"If we can't understand the person who hurt us, it's a good thing," Pearl repeated with a sad smile, "it means you aren't them, and never will be. I was baffled too but that's the conclusion I reached. By that time you were going in to see her it was all getting messy out into the open anyways..."

Jasper spoke before she could stop herself.  
"How long?"  
That was prying again- she kicked herself internally but Pearl answered anyways.

"Since we started there, ha. Ninth grade I came in because I was stressed about how my family treated my coming out and about the pressure to get a degree I didn't want at a university I didn't want to go to and get a job I didn't want. Rose unraveled me right there and... I don't know what she was thinking but I went along with starry eyes. I hurts to think about because it was so nice, but so, so bad for me. I was so stupid-"

"No- no you're not, if she made a move on me when I was crying in that damn office I would've caved too," Jasper admitted.

"You're right..." Pearl took a deep breath, "I wasn't stupid. I was a kid and needed to be treated as such. Not like... not like that."

Jasper nodded and they sat in a silence that was much more comfortable.

"I should go," Pearl finally said, getting up and stretching, "Keep the window open and put on some deodorant, please. We all make mistakes right? Take care of yourself."

"Thank you," Jasper managed to choke out through years of pride.

"You're welcome?" Pearl was already on the roof ledge but paused with questions.

"Thank you for being a friend. I've never really had one, thinking back," Jasper said quietly, finally getting up and talking to Pearl face-to-face through the window, "and I still want to be friends. But I need more time or something. I'll see you on the bus I guess."

"Always. I'll see you soon."

Jasper watched Pearl mosey down the tree and wave as she walked up the street. Pearl had been robbed of a childhood. Maybe that was why she loved Steven so much. She could see it happen with someone else. What was Jasper missing? A purpose? A goal? She was used to sports giving her direction. Her goal of moving out. But then what? The next win was clear enough. Winning the game, the fight... the girl. She should start with fixing instead of winning, she supposed.

***

Jasper showered, cleaned her room and ate a proper meal before knocking on her sister's door.

"Hey J-P. Pearl pay a visit?" Amethyst opened the

Jasper rubbed the back of her head nervously.  
"Yeah. Did you tell her...?"

"Well, I've been telling everyone you haven't left your room in days. Has that strike ended?"

"Something like that. I'm sorry for being so angry... you know at the rollar-rink. It was wrong."

"Apologies? This is new. Did Pearl hit you on the head or something?" Amethyst teased but stopped her chuckle midway as she caught onto Jasper's dead serious expression, "but uh, concussion or not, thank you sis. I forgive you yada, yada. My cold shoulder was really petty after the first couple days so..." Amethyst shrugged, flushing and picking at her nails.

Jasper grinned and tussled her hair.  
"Alright Petty Penny," she joked and Amethyst batted her away.

"Last straw, Hulk Face!" Amethyst declared war and lunged with gleeful laughter. They tussled in the hall until they hit the wall with a THUMP, eliciting some angry Spanish from their aunt bellow.   
It felt good to have her sibling back.  
Who was next?  
Jasper went to the arcade again. It was after school on the Wednesday again. Lapis taught swimming that day and that was why Peridot spent her afternoon in the Arcade. Sure enough the wild-haired petite blonde was furiously button mashing on a fighter game.

"Need a player two?" Jasper asked as Peridot lost with an angry yowl.  
The yowl turned into a harsh screech as Peridot threw up her arms.  
"Watch where you loom, you freak!"

"I'm... sorry for threatening you before. And saying awful shit," Jasper muttered, "you're actually really cool."

Peridot blinked. She poked her pinky into her ear for a moment as if clearing out a wad of wax.  
"Did I hear correctly? Did you, Jasper, apologize to me, Peridot, without apparent reason?"

"I did," Jasper confirmed. Her cheeks were beet red with the effort of repressing a sarcastic, biting remark but she managed.

"Just when life couldn't be odder. Statistical trends be damned," Peridot shrugged but pulled out her quarters, putting them in the slot for player one and two, "let's play."

Jasper stepped up and actually had a lot of fun. Peridot was annoying, yes, but in an endearing kind of way. Jasper liked that she didn't have to talk since she always had something to say anyways. Facts about the game, the coding, the exact special attacks of each character.

"You know a lot about games," Jasper admitted, impressed.

"Computers, coding and Camp pining hearts," Peridot said proudly, "special interests."

"Really cool."

Jasper went home with a flicker of hope. The way Peridot glowed with compliments was so worth it. Usually if she complimented people it was to get something out of it. Butter them up before asking. Even with Pearl, she did genuinely think everything about her was fantastic but she only gave out a compliment if it was going to benefit her standing. Telling someone was cool in honesty for the sake of it was actually nice.  
Jasper started to go back to work and focused more on letting the world happen instead of forcing it to bend to what she wanted through thought or action. It was odd and hard but worth it.  
"So. You disappear but come back whistling?" Bismuth asked Jasper one sunny morning in the garage, "did ya get the girl?"

Jasper shook her head.  
"Just realized we're both more than a little messed up."

Bismuth laughed heartily.  
"I'd frame that statement in my living room! Heavy stuff huh. You can talk to me anytime, Jasper."

Jasper sighed.  
"Why? Why did Rose do what she did?"

"I don't know," Bismuth answered after a moment of calculated thinking on her part, "she basically cut me off when I found out and tried to question her. I wasn't even her friend anymore. Poof," Bismuth gestured with her big hands, "no one will know. She did so much good but it was overshadowed by so many of her other decisions."

Jasper nodded.  
"Thank you, Bismuth."

"Manners?" Bismuth snorted, "That's new."

"Trying it out," Jasper couldn't help but shove her boss playfully as she passed to grab a bigger wrench.

"Just wait, you'll be drinking tea with the pinkie up at this rate-"

***

The next person Jasper wanted to apologize too was a bit more intimidating. She finally caught him on the beach.

"Hey Steven..."

The boy turned to Jasper and he immediately teared up.

"Jasper- Jasper I heard you locked yourself in your room for days," he blubbered, "I'm so sorry I said those things to you they were really mean-"

Steven blamed himself? He really was too good for the world.

Jasper got down on her knee to be eye to eye with him, shaking her head.  
"Steven... I came to say sorry first. I uh. I wasn't considerate of you. I was putting my nose where it didn't belong. You were right. I was invading. Like an alien."

"Aliens are cool," Steven sniffed, "but... I shouldn't have been so mean."

"If anything, you've knocked some sense into me," Jasper snorted.

"It wasn't a good way of doing it," the boy rubbed his face with his jacket sleeve, "I'm sorry."

Jasper nodded.  
"We're sorry."

Steven grinned through his teary eyes. Jasper could see why Pearl wanted to protect him so badly.

***

The last person Jasper felt she needed to talk to was by far the most daunting. It was winter then, winter break for Peridot and her sister at school. Speaking of which, their Wednesday afternoons had turned into a weekly event of gaming together. Peridot helped Jasper prepare for Lapis Lazuli.  
Her heart was in her chest as she waited outside an even smaller townhouse as Peridot rang the cracked doorbell.

Lapis answered with tousled hair and navy cardigan slung over pyjamas.  
"Hey Peri... you," her eyes drifted up and narrowed at Jasper, "is there a new delivery service for assholes or something?"

Jasper wanted to slip into the defensive habit of insulting her back until both were hurt and offended but that was not why she was there.

"Maybe," Jasper sighed, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry. For being selfish and cruel to you. Being my worst and all that. It was wrong."

Lapis was frozen for a moment, at a loss for words.  
"Do you expect me to just forgive you? Right here? Right now? You're so stupid! God, I know you were dull but this really takes the cake."

Jasper winced and held back the usual snarky reply once again.  
"No. I don't expect you to. I just wanted to tell you I was sorry-"

"Oh, oh I know what comes next!" Lapis mockingly got down on a knee and clasped her hands together, glancing up. She lowered her voice comically too, "take me back! I've changed! I love you so much, it'll be different this time-"

Jasper's collar heated in shame. She did do that but it wasn't fair of Lapis to mock her with it.

"Lapis..." Peridot finally interjected, sort of hurt herself.

"Come on, Peri, what did she do? Bribe you with a vintage game boy?" Lapis smirked.

"No," Peridot stared at her green sneakers sheepishly, "she plays at the Arcade with me. I wanted to show you the side of her I kinda sorta find nice, and I want to show her the side I like in you..."

Lapis's face softened in a way Jasper had never seen. They faced each other and the blue-haired girl finally took in the genuine expression she'd never seen on Jasper before either.  
"I won't go as soon far as to forgive you for using me but..." Lapis held out a hand for Jasper to shake, "I can't hate you anymore though. I wasn't very nice either. For Peri, I'll call truce."

They shook and that was all they needed. Jasper walked home alone again, a million pounds lighter. It was going to be alright.

Jasper finally pulled out her phone to text and see if Pearl wanted to hang out on the weekend. It was all going to be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I don't have anyone to edit for me so i'm very sorry if there's some rough sentences and wording in there. I get worried because I handle such heavy stuff and my irl family and friends always say its too dark and I shouldn't be discussing these topics. I think thats not fair to say because these reflect real traumas and experiences and I hope I have not romanticized any of it. It's serious and heavy and no one should feel alone in their pain. Regardless, I'm so happy this show exists and I can't believe its over. I hope this is a good little redemption for Jasper. I love her and she deserves it. Thank you.


End file.
